I recently had a memory from childhood, I think I was about 5 years old when some of my older sisters friends abused me sexually. I had not remembered the event before, but I always felt threatened by women, whenever a woman including my own tried touching me, even something as simple as a hug, I always felt some negative emotion. I never wanted to be touched by any lady in any way. I grew older and as I went to college began developing feelings or crushes for some ladies. I hated and still hate having feelings for ladies but I have no control over them. My life right now is an emotional mess, I cant emotionally connect with anyone. I am 24 years old, a masturbation addict since I was about 9 or I think 11 years old, lonely, miserable and with the inability to connect with women including my family members who all think I hate them. Despite having feelings for ladies I have never been in a relationship because I know some day the lady would want to touch me and would want me to touch her which is something that scares me, what am I supposed to do?
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