I have had a phobia of sleeping since my son died 15 years ago of SIDS (crib death). He passed in the middle of the night. Since then I suffer from night terrors, sleep paralysis, sleep apnea, sleepwalking, and insomnia! Also two years ago I was a caregiver for my grandpa (who raised me, and was more like a father and a grandpa) who was dying of pancreatic cancer and dementia. I fell asleep for 30 minutes and while I was asleep he passed! I know that my fear of sleeping is a fear of being out of control. I have tried every medication. I don’t know what to do. The longer I don’t sleep the more anxiety and depression I suffer from, but I am terrified of what will happen if I do sleep. And I hate being out of control of my body knowing that I might sleepwalk, or knowing I will wake up screaming, or the feeling of waking up gasping for air with my heart pounding out of my chest! I do sleep with the CPAP machine but it still does not relieve my fears.
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