This is difficult for me to say. There are some men whom I’m okay with talking to etc. I have not really had bad experiences with them. I have not been in a relationship. Online flirting is another story, and very short one. Mostly, some traumatic stories affected me greatly. I can get turned on and stuff but all in all, today my stomach twisted as this one person who I have not really ever talked to and avoided was really close to me. It didn’t feel like any much else of a fear, and I know it is irrational, but this sick feeling in my stomach made me really uncomfortable. Although I would find interest in setting a relationship, I don’t have any in mind. This is so frustrating, cause I may get to talk to them perfectly okay the first few times, but after a while never really talk to them but avoid and ignore. I think they get weirded out and do the same. I have not had any problems with my dad. I found tons of unsavory online stories that really messed with me, since when I read I immerse myself in the story, and the story’s beliefs and thoughts. The story could be in words, a comic, manga, etc. I just wish this sick feeling I sometimes get would go away. There are times when I will initiate conversation but it’s a short conversation. I have no problems talking to male teachers. I guess only those peers more close to me in age. Some personalities just make me more comfortable, I guess. So hard to deal with these feelings.
Also it’s not like I’m very sociable. I know quite a few people but my social life isn’t extensive. This puts more pressure as I don’t get along with those in my age group as well as I would like, as I am more of a person who stands off to the side observing. I am much more relaxed against girls though. It’s hard to do what I want to, and solve this issue. Any suggestions and constructive criticism?
A complex Androphobia
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meerkey says
I feel the same way! I am not sure if you’ll ever get a response to your query, but I have a bit of a similar thing. I feel so much more comfortable with women than men, but although I am comfortable with some men, this is few and far between. But I also struggle with my sexuality and have never been in a relationship with a male. I have some friendships that are working out okay. But I think I’m a natural friend-zoner and wouldn’t know what to do afterwards. In part it’s due to being raised by a mom who was always saying guys had strong libidos and were perverts and said the same of dad. She and older female family members are probably stuck in the old-fashioned mindset. Also she knows friends who have been stuck in abusive relationships, there was nothing said about leaving these relationships. An aunt I have also tried to drill it into my head of the same thing, using her opinion and dislike of a group to try to keep me away, calling them abusive. I do believe the chance is equally likely among many groups tho. It’s also been very informative to read and watch porn and hentai, and fan fictions, but there is just a lot of abusive non con stuff and misogynistic stuff that makes me feel awful after reading them. My mom kept me away from guys, and even if all you did was receive a tiny gift from one even with a bit of an age gap, she considered that a boyfriend, so all I can say was that she really was raised conservatively. It’s frustrating as I usually don’t feel at all comfortable among guys. I know an asexual girl and I feel jealous that no matter the sex she can act completely relaxed and courageous. I feel my upbringing and anxieties are getting the best of me. I’ve had crushes but even though I told myself I’d go out in middle school I haven’t even done so and I’m now in college. It doesn’t help that I do have some other nervous issues. If I’m in a group and there are guys, I will feel more comfortable staring at and sticking close to the girls. I might not even make eye contact with guys most of the time. I can feel attracted to much of an age gap so teachers as well, unlike your situation. For the most part I’m still more comfortable around them. My eyes are naturally sensitive though. It feels so weird to talk to girls and guys who are in relationships, although I’m getting more used to it I’m not sure I could ever act completely comfortable with all this information while hanging out with friends of both genders at the same time.
I as well stand off to the side and observe people, I love observing things, reading, taking pictures, drawing, analyzing, noting things. Maybe it’s due to us, you and me, being introverts as well? Less extroverted? I wouldn’t know. I also often let the guys do the initiating which I know isn’t the best for me. It is as well quite frustrating. I’m not sure how the girls put up with me, and how they even get guy friends in the first place! To me they seem impressive. It doesn’t help that I have anxious attachment disorder. I probably can’t help, but know that you’re not alone.