All Alone

A reader describes a reported assault, pregnancy loss, lasting isolation, and hopelessness. The edited account contains references to violence and grief.

This is a reader’s personal account, edited for readability. Ages and circumstances refer to the time of submission. It is not a clinical assessment.

A reader’s account

In 2000, I went to a neighbour’s door to ask him to turn down his stereo. I was six months pregnant. He attacked me, and my teenage son witnessed what happened. Other people were there, but nobody stopped the assault.

I suffered serious injuries to my mouth and jaw, needed surgery, and later lost the baby I was carrying. I moved afterwards, but the fear stayed with me. It took years before I felt able to open my front door to check the post.

I have been told I have PTSD and agoraphobia. When I wrote this, I was 49 and felt that the effects of the assault had cost me relationships with family and my husband. People did not understand why I struggled to attend even family events.

I was living on disability income and sometimes going without food or other things I needed. I felt profoundly alone and hopeless. I remembered being the funny, outgoing person in the group and found it painful to compare that with how isolated I had become.

I wished the people around me could understand what had happened and help me reconnect with life. I wanted support, company, and a reason to smile again.