My worst fear is seeing, hearing, knowing of someone throwing up. For as long as I can possibly remember I have been terrified. I’m also afraid to throw up myself but mostly it is seeing others. This has stolen so many years of my life. I get severe anxiety if I’m left alone with a kid and if someone even mentions they don’t feel well I go into such a panic. I remember every single time I’ve been sick and every single time someone around me was sick. I can’t stay over at someone’s house if they have kids for fear they will become sick in the night and I cannot get away. I can’t go to parties in fear someone will drink too much. If someone around me even looks pale I lose my mind, I feel trapped. It’s like every person I’m around is a bomb and I’m just waiting for that bomb to go off (bomb being vomiting). From doing research on this I’m pretty sure I know what triggered this phobia in me. I was in kindergarten and we had large desks that we sat around and a girl opposite me threw up on the table. I remember it moving towards me on the table, I remember the look of it. I will never in all my life forget it. Winter is worst for me, November to May I’m on high alert for anyone who may look sick, pale or mention they or someone around them having the flu. If someone in my home is sick I stop functioning, I can’t move, I can’t rationalize what is happening. I’m petrified to be near them yet I cannot leave the house in fear I’m next and it happens while I’m out. I can push myself to travel but it is not easy and it does not happen without extreme anxiety. I medicate myself every single day with gravol/Dramamine to prevent throwing up. This runs, controls, ruins my life every single day. It’s so bad that my niece is nervous to eat near me in case she doesn’t feel well after and it throws me into a panic attack. I know I will never get better and that is so sad because emetophobia has taken my life.
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