Fear of becoming pregnant

I have always had this fear. When I got very drunk I went off with this guy and got pregnant. The moment I knew I was pregnant, I went straight to see my psychiatrist and asked her if it would be okay to put me forward for an abortion. Because of my severe mental health issues she did do this for me. Ever since I have avoided being with men because of the intolerable fear of getting pregnant. I do have sensual feelings for other women and so I tend to just indulge with lesbians. I can’t bear to look at pregnant women and when my girlfriend got pregnant I avoided her most of the time, especially as her tummy began to grow. I find it absolutely repulsive to look at women who are heavily pregnant and if I am in the same place as a heavily pregnant woman, then I will sit somewhere else, preferably with my back to the pregnant woman at all costs. My phobia is such that I could not bear to look at my girlfriend when she was pregnant and so we broke up because of it. When I got pregnant I had to terminate the pregnancy because of this phobia and my mother was broken hearted because she so wanted me to have this grand-child. I could not put myself through this and I became mentally ill until I had the termination. Ever since I have had severe mental health issues, though I don’t think that the pregnancy was the cause of this.

Thankfully I am in my mid fifties and so I do hope I won’t be able to have children – I don’t want them ever!

Well that is my story – brief though it is. I do hope that there are many women who share this fear and that other women do understand my reasons for not having any children. Valerie!