Gamophobia is the fear of commitment, though it can also be the excessive, persistent, uncontrollable and irrational fear of marriage. It is derived from the Greek word Gamos which means marriage and phobos meaning fear. However, many experts agree that there is a subtle difference between the fear of marriage and the fear of commitment phobia. A person might be afraid of getting married but s/he might still remain committed to a single partner for life.
Gamophobia is not just having “cold feet” at the thought of marriage; it is the morbid fear at the idea of committing for life. Such a fear is described as being ‘parallel to the fear of dying’. People who suffer from this phobia prefer being bachelors/spinsters for life, or staying in a committed relationship without ever tying the knot.
Causes of fear of commitment phobia
As with any other specific phobia, Gamophobia is also caused by an intense negative experience in the past. It traumatizes the suffering individual to an extent to which s/he ‘learns’ to dread commitments. One creates negative images or movie stills in mind about marriage.
Often, factors like heredity, genetics, adrenal insufficiency, having a tendency towards anxiety attacks or being ‘high strung’ can also cause a fear of commitment phobia.
Symptoms of Gamophobia
A person with the fear of commitment phobia displays many psychological and emotional symptoms at the thought or subject of marriage/commitment:
Psychological symptoms include:
- Feeling of dread or terror at the thought of marriage.
- The person goes to great lengths to avoid the topic. S/he may experience uncontrollable anxiety that makes it difficult for the person to function normally.
- The individual understands that such fear is irrational but is powerless to control it.
- Really bad thoughts, movie stills or negative images are likely.
- Feeling of losing control or going crazy are also experienced by Gamophobes.
Physical symptoms of the fear of commitment are:
- Trembling
- Nausea
- Crying
- Rapid heart rate
- chest pain, dizziness, fainting
- Sweating, shortness of breath
Overcoming Gamophobia or the fear of commitment
As is the case with other specific phobias, Gamophobia can also be cured using a variety of effective techniques. The right treatment along with help and support of family and friends can go a long way in helping the individual overcome the fear of commitment.
- Talk therapy is the first line of treatment recommended for this phobia. The sufferer is encouraged to talk about his fears, the intricacies of commitments and other aspects of marriage to a trusted person. This can be a mentor, a parent, a friend or a professional mental health expert. In fact; depending on the degree and extent of the phobia, it is best to seek help from an expert psychiatrist.
- Hypnotherapy is another highly effective therapy that can help trace the roots of the Gamophobia to help unlearn negative responses formed about marriage or commitment.
- Behavior therapy and systematic exposure therapy are two other effective methods for overcoming this phobia.
People who are in a committed relationship but are suffering from the fear of marriage phobia must find ways to treat it and also confide in their partners about it. Phobias can go out of control if left untreated. Needless to say, this can cause a great deal of heartache and misery to all those involved. However, there is hope and “happily ever after” is possible in majority of such cases.
stuck says
I’d just love to have family and kids but I can’t marry a girl I don’t love even if they are great girls and when I try to do that I get panic and anxiety. Further more, every girl I love or like she says no to me
so what the hell can I do with this problem?
Phobia says
God, I’m feeling just the same way. I just ended up with my boyfriend after 4 years. I just can’t handle the idea of marriage. I avoid talking about it and I have nausea and my heartbeat increases every time he wanted to talk about it. He’s the perfect guy, and it seems that I can’t control this fear!
Gav says
I have this issue. I’m afraid to commit, too bad..
Sabr says
I am a woman but I hate men though I don’t have any bad experiences in my life. Also I have commitment issues, like as much as I like the idea of new friends I cut them out shortly after a time. Thinking never scared me. It was more the action.
Eshwar Chandra Vidya Sagar G says
I got the same issue but the only differences are I’m a man and I’m ok with male friends
kinkid says
I have a fear of commitment with women in general, because i don’t know if i love them enough to stay with them in the long term and basically i’m not “In love with them”, so i back out, no matter if she’s nice or not. I developed this crazy anxiety ever since i had cold feet with my second serious relationship. It’s like a problem with the feeling that the person is not the right one that i want to commit to. Anyone else have these issues?
Kaycee says
Yeah I do have this issue
Uzo says
I have this same issue, whenever I want to get serious with a girl I have this overwhelming debilitating fear. It’s crippling and it causes insomnia, affecting everything else.
The Truth Is says
Well unfortunately most of the single women of today do have a very serious Commitment Problem.
nate lightning says
Sounds like a perfectly rational aversion to an outdated system. I can see why a woman would want to get married, but marriage offers a man nothing. I enjoy my freedom, my disposable income, and my variety of sexual partners. Why would I want to give that up? I’d be a fool!
Jenna Loves Pandas says
Actually, women can be afraid of commitment too.
Usually of a traumatic past experience, that hurts the person emotionally, and they set a sort of “wall” around themselves, to not be hurt like that again, and pushes anyone they love away from them.
Anyways, yea, women like their freedom too. Im a woman, and would NEVER want to get married. Not because of a fear of commitment, just cause.. i kinda like my freedom too.
mcgilacuty says
I feel the same way. It’s not marriage I fear; it’s getting cheated on. Sometimes it takes years just to get over having a common girlfriend cheat on you, so how much more a wife? Like the embarrassment you feel if your girlfriend cheats on you is one thing, but if it’s your wife I have to presume it’d be exponentially worse. But at the end of the day conventional wisdom says a man is better for facing his fears than being a coward.
Londi says
Hi guys i think i’m a gamophobe and i don’t like it. I’m 36yrs old now,been engaged 4 times since age 21 but never went through with getting hitched. I always chicken-out when things get too serious and funny thing is i’m an honest partner is not like i run to another man. I do not cheat or sleep with more than one person. I love and enjoy being single, my best friends are guys and its always a bliss learning from them. My 4th fiancee called me a arrogant woman with balls and then i realized that he was the 1st person to be blunt with me ever. I wouldn’t date anyone like me to avoid wasting time, i love being loved but i don’t want attachments. I’ve been involved in a sex only relationship for a year now, at some point i developed feeling for this guy but later snapped out of it. He insist that i spend 4nights at his house per week which feels like a relationship not just doing sex. Our agreement was simply banging love was never part of the deal and he does things that serious lovers do. I’m scared of my fears destroying what we have and i can’t hurt him especially cause apart from the royal treatment he give me our chemistry is epic.
Ben says
That’s what a real relationship IS. But you are trying to have him and all your guy mates. Modern women are morons.
Eeriel says
I am 21, and I do not want a relationship, but at the same time, i instinctively want one. I have had bad experiences with men and seen bad outcomes of marriage in my family. I feel disgust and anxiety when someone asks me out or says they have a crush on me (not disgust towards the person, though, unless i dont like the person). I wish to avoid them, even if we are friends, after they tell me this, and i often have a feeling of being trapped and trembly and panicky when they talk of their feelings. I am bisexual, and I also get this feeling with girls, but to a lesser degree. Is this gamophobia?
andret says
I get how you feel, this boy and i have a kid together and he asked me to marry him and i stared like if i was going to say no, he cries to me and says i really want to marry you but you wont answer and that is when i throw up.
nobody says
I think I have gamophobia too , I’m 32 yrs with 2 previous failed relations.
During or just before a relation I experience very bad thoughts of being unrespected or insulted by my partner, also I experience feelings of losing control.
I had psychotherapy once but failed.
kenaa says
I have this gamophobia. I’ve known this for a long time I just didn’t know it to be a real condition. I’m glad to find out that I’m not crazy.
dania says
Haha same!
Rhii says
I’m currently pregnant with my first daughter… My bf says it was my dream having a family… But then i told him that i don’t wanna get married… He says that he thinks i just don’t wanna be like unhappy married people… But for me.. Marriage is a scary thing… I feel okay about us having our kid… But when he told me that we’re going to get married on our 3rd anniversary… I couldn’t say a thing… When i got home… I was just staring at my window and panicked… It bothered me so much that whenever he talks about it… I tend to end up arguing with him. I told him and myself that i might agree to get married when im done with the stuffs i wanted for myself… But still i ended up telling him i still can’t. Most of the time i feel like I’m about to throw up whenever i think about it. I wish i could still overcome this fear… Not for me but for our daughter.
benita146 says
I used to be so excited about marriage but now the thought of committing to a person forever scares me, I just want kids but without the marriage.
Jagsolute says
I do have fear of commitment and would say that is the prime reason of breaking up, and when I digged into my past I could see the reason of my misery was being cheated in my first relationship where I was very passionate about my relationship, but then she cheated on me. I was shattered and devastated. It took almost 4 years to get over that, yet the residues of the past don’t seem to leave me, I don’t want to hurt people but don’t want to hurt myself either. I don’t know what is my fate.
Sunny says
I think I might have Gamophobia. I’m in my second committed relationship (the first one I knew wasn’t going to work out in the first place, but still wanted to date him). We have been talking about marriage lately. I have panic attacks afterwards when I get home. I have cried myself to sleep because I’m so terrified of marriage. I will sometimes shut him out emotionally and physically because of it. I have no clue how I got this way. My parents have been married for 31 years, never fight, and overall have a wonderful marriage. The only trauma I experienced in my life is being molested by my cousin at the age of 14. It took me a while to get over it, but I’ve been over it now for about 2 years. I wish I knew how I got Gamophobia so I could do talk therapy with my boyfriend. If this doesn’t go away soon, I’m going to end a perfectly good relationship with someone I love, over being afraid to marry him. Advice is welcomed.
Kanav says
I have this phobia and it’s cool for me. I can’t trust any female other than my mother. That doesn’t mean I don’t respect females. I respect them all but I don’t trust them either. I don’t want to waste my time in love and all because there is so much knowledge in this world that it takes multiple lives to gain it. Better run behind knowledge than a woman. Thanks to spiritual awakening, the feeling of being awakened is much more intense than being in love with a woman.
Foux says
My boyfriend loves me like crazy but he can’t get married. The only problem is that I come from the Middle East and the only way to be together is to marry, and he cries so much when we have the talk because he is claustrophobic and have fear of marriage. He explains to me how much he loves me but really can’t take that step.
I’m really sad because he can see an end to us because I want for myself marriage and family and more importantly we can’t run a long distance relation even if I wanted to give up on this. I feel so bad like we have to get away from each other and I swear I love him so much it’s impossible how I feel.
kartika says
I have this abnormality.. I can’t have a boyfriend.. I’m sad every day about my life.. I can’t control my emotions about love.. feel like crazy when I love someone and I can lose my feelings in 1 day.
Brandon says
I relate to you 100%. I was in a relationship with a great girl for 8 years and everything was great. I’ve always had OCD but it was controllable. When I hit 18 years old, OCD hit me like a pile of bricks. I was having obsessions that I didn’t love my girlfriend and I would stay up all night crying and having panic attacks. This went on for a couple years and what would happen was I would never want to be around her, I would never want to do the things I used to do with her and as soon as she would get fed up with it all, I would start crying back to her telling her I loved her and then as soon as we got back together, the whole cycle started again and I couldn’t feel anything towards her and all I would want was to be home in my “safe zone” where I didn’t feel any anxiety. Now we have been broken up for over a year due to this form of obsession/phobia. I now have a fear of entering any relationship at all. I fear any commitment, I fear having someone that I see all the time, I fear marriage, I fear being “trapped” into a relationship. I never in my life ever feared these things until all this hit me. I feel that I will never be able to get into a relationship again due to these feelings and emotions. I feel like I’m emotionally not ever going to be able to be in a relationship again and feel that I won’t ever have what it takes to put the effort into one. Please comment back with your thoughts.
BG says
Hi Bradon,
Your post is from a while ago, but you seem to have Relationship OCD and/or gamophobia. You should speak to a therapist who specializes in treating OCD. This is a known disorder so there is hope for treatment.
kinkid says
I think we have the same problem, just fell back into a depression after breaking up with my gf recently. I think my judgement was good to say that we had different characters, but i still fell into intense anxiety because of it.
Mia says
Yes, it definitely sounds like Relationship OCD. Talk to someone about that, there are treatments. I suffered from it myself and it can be really terrible but if you learn to shut your fears, you might be able to commit again. I believe there’s hope. Hang in there!