Its been some time now. Ive slowly lost communication skills that build rapport and respect, and just holding my shit together internally has overall been wearing off. The kind and helpful smile is now forced on, and noticeable. Ive always been able to fake it, but it seems that I have allowed myself to ignore the problem causing me such discomfort instead of addressing it when I should have. I don’t know how to build relationships with men around me and I don’t have good communication with women either. I always feel they are saying something bad about me and are able to manipulate me because they manage their emotions and hide it better. Im not a manipulator, Im the one that gets manipulated. I could never figure it out and was in denial and am in denial. One minute I could be fine but then something switches in me and I realize people are looking at me. My false sense of pride quickly evaporates and Im left feeling worthless, shameful, jealous, and like i’m just not a woman. I turn into a panic and then start going back to thinking of people as I see myself, I see them as pantomimes of human sexuality. The logical world means nothing. I see them as sexual oppressors and me a victim. I don’t really want anyone sexually, but I find myself uncomfortable nonetheless and that gives off a sexual energy that apparently is giving a sign. Whats wrong with me? I think obsessing over being sexually neglected, abused and manipulated, has turned me into accepting that I accept this behavior from others. Is it true? But how can I be so miserable from this? I don’t trust anyone, Im confused, My soul hurts me everyday. I am feeling weak. I have no control over the thoughts anymore. Its become a common route of self negative talk. Its very unsettling and leads me to believe that I am low worth, no good, I am a whore. But I would never do any such things to the ones I love. I would never cheat, I wouldn’t lie unless it was to protect myself, I wouldn’t steal or do drugs. I have done drugs but not regularly. I have reacted horribly and just been a chaotic mess. And I am just lost. I cant hold professional conversations without feeling like i’m out of character and want to slap someone in the face for even attempting bullshit small talk to try and size me up. I don’t want anyone to know who I am. I only want to be alone. And this is very unhealthy because I classify myself as different and isolated. But once someone opens up to me, I feel a WOW me too. This is normal. And this is what I need to get off my chest. I hope someone feels me on this and that they aren’t alone too.
Fear of men and social anxiety
What Now?
Read comments from others who are dealing with this phobia or share your own experiences below. Remember, you're not alone!
Rose C says
In tears reading this. You just described my life as well. It’s hell and a constant battle. I was married to a very abusive man for 17 years, separated going on a year and I’m terrified of men. I cant even make eye contact with them without having a major panic attack. Still have nightmares, in therapy, on medication and now having TMS treatments done to treat the depression and trauma. Sending healing prayers to you for comfort and peace in your life. We weren’t created to be harmed and used, we were created to love and be loved. God Bless.
Caitlin says
I have social anxiety, too.
David Bates says
Hi,
I don’t know when this was posted, and I just happened across it while doing research on phobias in general, but it touched me and I thought I’d share my story to whoever it may help.
I’m on the other spectrum being a man who has similar social anxiety and a general fear of women. I’ve never been in a relationship, and it’s reached a stage where I’ve more or less resigned myself to dying alone. I’ve always been a bit of a loner, and I went to an all boys secondary school, so I never really interacted much with girls growing up as a teenager. I tried to build relationships in my late teens, but it never really went anywhere, and a couple turned into rather nightmarish experiences. I’ve never been much of a social person in general, and not being a drinker, the times I do go out I often find myself sat awkwardly in a corner watching and feeling like I don’t belong there.
It’s weird, because I can generally talk to and get along with most people, no matter the gender, but I can never find the courage to try and take anything to the next level. But whether its pressure from social narrative, just a cultural change that I got left behind in, or whatever, it often feels like the only way to meet people is to go out and get drunk, have a fling, and take it from there. Sometimes I watch TV, and I see relationships spark just like that, as if it’s just par the course of life, and it makes me feel like a complete and utter failure, even though I know the things I’m seeing are inventions for entertainment.
My attractions have never really been a desire for sex, more company, to find somebody I can share my time with, who I can just chat shit to and not feel judged, who I can venture out to see the world with, safe in the knowledge that I can support them and they me, who can challenge me to better myself, you know? I want to get to know someone, take it slow, and if something happens, great, but there just feels like a barrier’s always up preventing me from asking somebody out through fear of offending them or making life awkward.
Over the years I’ve watched people who I’ve been attracted to from a distance, got to see them have relationships, break up, start new ones, get married. I’ve had the pleasure of putting on a fake smile and nodding along as guys going out with those I like badmouth them like objects to play with, but I always tell myself it’s none of my business. I’ve been the shoulder to cry on when she finds out and it all goes to hell, but never really knew how to respond. People catch my eye in the street, and I have a compulsion to glance at them that makes me feel filthy, and yet I’ll never have the courage to say hello. In more recent years I’ve started to set my expectations so ridiculously high that I look for excuses why we wouldn’t be compatible, from nitpicking superficial points about them, to putting myself down as being too boring or not earning enough money or having a decent enough career to make them happy.
I used to have massive depression, but in recent years I’ve focused my time on reading and writing books. It’s fitting, in a way, escaping into my own worlds when it so often feels that this one has so bitterly failed me. I’ve always found it rather odd that in a world of billions I so often feel little different than if I were floating by myself through empty space. But yes, I’ve come to accept that’s who and what I am, even if at times it still makes me angry. But for what it’s worth, it’s not something specific about your gender, and the fact that you can be so honest makes you come across as a really cool person to know. You’re not alone and neither am I. But sadly, as I’m sure you’re all too aware, stating the fact does little to make it feel better.