Hi. I’m a 19 year old girl. I’ve always been socially awkward with everyone. But mostly with men. Especially older men. Like if I’m walking down the street and I see a man in his 30s or older. I will for sure think about what they probably think of me, “he probably wants me” and I get super scared to only think about it. And I know that it’s probably in my head. But I do it anyway. And like if my parents have friends (older men) I will for sure think in my head “he probably is thinking about things he isn’t supposed to”. So it happens with pretty much every older man. I feel super awkward. And like suspicious and I think they just want one thing. And sometimes it happens with guys my age. Sometimes I think “this guy flirting probably wants one thing” and then I think “too bad I can’t give it to him” or ” he probably would be disappointed” because I’m a virgin (you probably figured that out by seeing how screwed up I am in my head). It’s awful I don’t like being like this. And I hate myself for it. I’ve never had a boyfriend. And I don’t feel like I am normal at all. What does this mean? Does it mean I’ve experienced a traumatic experience in my early childhood? Cause if I did I don’t remember any of it. Does this turn me into a lesbian? Considering that I feel more comfortable around women. What is wrong with me? I need an answer! Oh and my posture is really really bad. Like I can’t even walk straight and I’m always scared in general of people staring at me especially men of course. But I’m afraid of people looking at me in general. Help.
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