I’m suffering from this phobia too but my case is much worse. I graduated from University in biomedical Engineering with high grades about three years ago but I’ve never had something you could call a job. I only got two jobs but I got fired in both of them about three months later and since then I haven’t gotten any job! That’s terrible, I know! I’ve experienced terrible days in both my jobs. I was always afraid of making mistakes and getting fired. I couldn’t concentrate on my job at all. I’m afraid of getting into society and communicating with people. My parents say that I’m lazy but I do know I’m not. They don’t have the slightest idea of how much I’m suffering each and every day. I know I’m just terribly scared of society and people. I’ve been insulted my whole social life by people, my friends and colleagues for being skinny and ugly. It hurt me too much. So I’m keeping myself out of society. I’m really afraid of being insulted again. I can’t do it anymore anyway because I really need to earn money. I’m 26 and I’m too old to be supported by my parents. I feel so ashamed of myself and my family. I feel like rubbish. I’m really worried about my future but I can’t overcome my deep dark fears. Something inside me is eating my soul. I think that not only am I physically unusual but also I’m not good enough at anything. How could I get a job considering all those terrible stuff? I very often think of ending it but I’m not brave enough to do that! I’ve never been enough! My sister says that I’m intelligent and nothing is wrong with my looks and I’m just so lazy and ignorant. But she’s wrong as well as my parents. I hope someone can help me with my fears. I really need to change my life.
Fear of Society and People
What Now?
Read comments from others who are dealing with this phobia or share your own experiences below. Remember, you're not alone!
Hey there, you are scared of society, so am i. Don’t worry its alright, everyone are scared of something. What you should do is think positive, see positive, do positive stuff. Read some books like stories, learn some stuff like games, badminton or karate. Talk to and spend time with kids, play with them and you will get stronger physically and mentally. Thats what i have been doing for 2 weeks and people are really helping.
you have no idea how much people can relate to what you’re going through. i been insulted, beat down, mentally, physically, emotionally abused by family, friends, society in general and often labelled as lazy and crazy. that is not the case in any respect. i’m terrified of leaving the house, driving, speaking, letting people know the real me. i dont like crowds or small spaces. i am a very solitary person and don’t spend time with other people. i feel insulted very easily because of how i grew up in my family. the strife there really affects my personality and still does even now. nothing i do is ever good enough in their eyes. so i shut them out as much as possible. people often dont understand these issues and think we’re crazy and weird when really we just need a little understanding and patience. i tell myself several times a day that there are so many people who have it a whole lot worse than i do. and so i just so my best to get through each and every day based on that.
This is what I experience every day. One time I told someone about my phobia and that person only told me to try it. So I tried it and my hands trembled.
Hey, the same case here. I have been told that I am ugly the whole life and even now. I belong to the middle-class family and most of my relatives are well off so most of the time they make fun of my financial condition even though I am not poor but they do what they do. My family makes fun of me all the time not realizing how this will affect me. I am devastated, frustrated and upset all the time. Even worse is that I am getting nightmares that everyone is laughing at me, they are insulting me in front of all the people, etc. I thought that this condition was only me but this is every other person’s problem nowadays. So far I am holding it even though I think that I am mentally dead. I don’t know how much longer I will bear this.
You are not alone in this. I think one of my issues was learning about WW2 and the fanatical Nazis and their atrocities. People in large groups, led to hate of the “enemy” and so enamored with their leader that they are willing to do things they never would have thought of on their own, ARE scary!
On a smaller scale you have the little groups of bullies, usually following a leader, in school or work or wherever. People are dangerous when they stop thinking with their own minds. And if you happen to be a little different, or excel at school or work, you may draw their attention and they’ll start playing their games to try to demean, or bring you down.
It may be verbal or physical, and so ranges from spreading rumors about you to try to damage your reputation, to actual sabotage of your work or vehicle or physical confrontation. The leaders of these groups often kiss up to teachers or management, to stay on their good side and manipulate them; also they want you and everyone to see them appear to be chummy with those in power. These leaders also put others up to do their dirty work, so their hands always appear clean.
I’m going to recommend 2 books that I’ve found very helpful as I’ve struggled to understand certain aspects of human behavior. These are both easy, relaxed reads, not very long, but packed with wisdom and understanding.
First, “The Sociopath Next Door”, by Martha Stout PHD. These leaders of these bullying groups are likely sociopaths to some significant degree. In this book you’ll learn that about 4% of people in the U.S. qualify as sociopaths. That’s one in 25. This explains why, in a group of 20-30 classmates or co-workers, you almost always have that one, highly manipulative individual who disrupts the harmony of the class/work environment. Not all sociopaths cross the line to murder or personally assault anybody, but mostly out of a sense of self preservation, not because of a conscience. In fact, it’s the very lack of any sort of conscience, remorse or guilt that defines a sociopath. You will run into these people in your life, and this book will teach you to recognize and deal with them.
The other book is “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz. This book is based on Toltec wisdom, and helped me learn to stop making my problems worse for myself. These 4 simple principles, when applied to your life, will help you make sense of things and handle them without your brain going off into panic mode.
Briefly, the 4 agreements are:
Be impeccable with your word. Make an effort not to lie to others, and especially not to lie to yourself. Don’t beat yourself up by exaggerating your faults.
Don’t take anything personally. When someone treats you like crap, and you know you’ve done nothing to deserve it, it says more about them than it does about you. Don’t take it in.
Don’t make assumptions. You can drive yourself crazy with what ifs, and maybe this can happen, then it could lead to that, and OMG that could then lead to this other, terrifying thing! Try to stick with the facts and reality as you know it, and separate fact from supposition.
Always do your best. Every day. Recognize that your best some days will be better than your best other days, and don’t let an off day throw you. This is good for your self esteem, and gives you something to congratulate yourself for every day.
Sorry so long, but I’ve been where you are, to a point. I’m now in my late fifties. You’re 26 and need to get out there and overcome these feelings so you can get on with a career that will enhance your self worth. At your age I was fortunate to get a good job which entailed dealing with people in various circumstances. I learned, and you can too. You may have to fake it at first, putting on a confident work persona, but with time you’ll come to realize that you CAN do this, and even be good at it. My last supervisor actually told my incoming current supervisor, that one thing I’m very good at is going back to a customer’s house after they called complaining about the person who just worked there, to calm the customer and correct the problem, or explain to them why it is the homeowner’s responsibility to correct the problem and give them advice on how to do so. I’ve come a long way, and I hope you do too!
Best of luck to you!!
Who would ever think so many people have this phobia. I hope people overcome these trialing times. I feel terrified personally as well. I just try really hard to not express or show even though I’m battling bipolar depression or whatever I have. Otherwise the fear latches on to people around you. My sons do not need extra challenges like that. Neither do I. However, someone once told me, to overcome your fears you have to face them head on. I don’t think that’s always the solution otherwise suicide rates would blow out of proportion (fear of death). I just feel sad this is even a phobia. Like why? Especially for the youth and educated. Everyone wants to be someone when they already are. I think people forget that because they want that someone to be someone else SO bad. It’s sad and truly discerning. Celebrities are basically Gods now by allowing and accepting these societal changes, and doctors, lawyers and even politicians are ridiculed or disrespected on the daily. What once was, is pretty much no longer. Feels like technology is controlled by evil more than good. It takes A LOT of courage for people to open up though, it’s too bad these days that won’t be credited unless you have the money, power, fame or the “likes” to back you up.