Hi, I’m not really sure how to use this or anything and I would like my name to be anonymous. I am feeling very desperate and very tired so anything at all would help because I don’t know what to do. It’s been more than a year now since I’ve gone outside or seen another person, I have always had a problem with my weight and the way I look and right now I am overweight and it’s never been this bad before and is getting worse. I’ve never gotten help or gone to see a therapist so I can’t really say I have or have had eating disorders before, so I’ll just say I’ve had eating problems I guess, three different kinds of it. I don’t want to make this really long because there is a lot of things but I basically just want an opinion on what I should do about seeking help. Whenever I see someone I freak out and start to panic, which includes my heart racing, breathing really fast and sometimes when I get really scared that someone in my house might see me I start to cry (I live with my parents). I don’t know if they are panic attacks but I’ve never gotten them or felt like this ever before until all these things started happening with my weight and appearance. I’ve also never been able to talk about anything about myself or things that trouble me in person either, I feel like I physically can’t, I start to stutter and get nervous and very uncomfortable and most of the time just feel like crying. So with all of that stuff going on I don’t see how it’s possible for me to get help or see someone if that makes any sense. Any advice? What should I do? I don’t know if this is also important to add but I also don’t want to live anymore, at all. And this isn’t recent I’ve felt like this the day I stopped seeing people altogether. However I am very close with my father but I can’t talk to him about any of this, but because of him I don’t think I would ever be able to take action, I can’t bring myself to do that to him. I just think that’s why it’s hard for me to do this by myself, because I really don’t have any motivation to live at all so it just feels like I’m stuck and can’t do anything about it. I’m sorry if this all sounds ridiculous because it probably is but as I said before, any advice at all would probably help and if you took the time to read this as well as respond thank you so much!
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