At first all the women in my life just said that I was sexiest and lashed out at me, I suppose that might have added to my fear.
I started to notice it when I was in middle school but I’ve been told it had originated because of the emotional abuse my mother inflicted on me. I never really talked to anyone in my earlier years of schooling, especially not the girls. They were vicious, people say boys play rough but have you seen how girls treat each other?
I think I was in 7th grade or so. Our English teacher was already a very stict woman and often used intimation on the students. One day we had a sub, she was even more ruthless. A peep out of any of us and we would be sent to the principle. We would have that sub for a week and on the first day she had made me cry in front of the few friends I had. The next few days she didn’t even acknowledge me unless I messed up on something. The teacher came back and assured me that they will never hire her again, no matter how strict a teacher is they should never make a kid cry.
The rest of school was hell. I felt that every girl that looked at me was judging me. I almost pissed my self when I was told to shake the female principles hand when I was called up for graduation. College wasn’t easy but I got through it with a masters in construction. For a time I could pretend things were normal. I just tried not to pay attention to the woman on the streets. It re-surfaced again, however, when my husband took me to meet his parents. His mother is actually very nice and understanding but the first time we talked I broke down. I almost broke up with the love of my life because I was scared of his mother.
He recommended that I seek help and with time and a great psychologist things have gotten better. Women in suits that walk around in 5 inch heels who stare at me disapprovingly still scare the shit out of me, but I can now at least talk to my mother in law and the waitress with out running away.