A reader describes fear around some women, difficult school experiences, and improvement with professional support.
This is a reader’s personal account, edited for readability. Ages and circumstances refer to the time of submission. It is not a clinical assessment.
A reader’s account
At first all the women in my life just said that I was sexist and lashed out at me, I suppose that might have added to my fear.
I started to notice it when I was in middle school but I’ve been told it had originated because of the emotional abuse my mother inflicted on me. I never really talked to anyone in my earlier years of schooling, especially not the girls. Some experiences with girls at school were painful for me.
I think I was in 7th grade or so. Our English teacher was already a very strict woman and often used intimidation on the students.
One day we had a sub, she was even more ruthless. A peep out of any of us and we would be sent to the principal. We would have that sub for a week and on the first day she had made me cry in front of the few friends I had. The next few days she didn’t even acknowledge me unless I messed up on something.
The teacher came back and assured me that they will never hire her again, no matter how strict a teacher is they should never make a kid cry.
The rest of school was hell. I felt that every girl that looked at me was judging me. I almost pissed myself when I was told to shake the female principal’s hand when I was called up for graduation.
College wasn’t easy but I got through it with a masters in construction. For a time I could pretend things were normal. I just tried not to pay attention to the woman on the streets.
It re-surfaced again, however, when my husband took me to meet his parents. His mother is actually very nice and understanding but the first time we talked I broke down. I almost broke up with the love of my life because I was scared of his mother.
He recommended that I seek help and with time and a great psychologist things have gotten better. Women in suits that walk around in 5 inch heels who stare at me disapprovingly still scare the shit out of me, but I can now at least talk to my mother in law and the waitress without running away.
Editorial note
This is an account of particular experiences and fear, not evidence about women as a group or proof of a single cause. An assessment can help address distress while respecting other people and the writer’s boundaries. Reported improvement is individual and does not establish a guaranteed treatment outcome.
An online story cannot establish a diagnosis. If fear or distress is affecting your daily life, a qualified healthcare professional can help assess it. Comments and readers’ experiences are not a substitute for individual care.
I have always felt like I am kind of a burden on most women. It feels like few of them like my interests, like gaming or martial arts. Luckily, my friends do share some of my interests. I feel like it’s only popular girls I’m afraid of, and they all secretly hate me. I’m also asexual and a pan-oriented grey romantic, so trying to look sexy or interest people has never been a thing for me. It feels like they all kind of hate me for not obsessing over love and most other “feminine” things.