I just randomly saw this and had the need to share my fear to see if anyone else around here feels like that.
I am terrified of being forgotten and just in general not being good enough.
Whilst other people might look up to famous people it just makes me anxious. I know I’ll never be up there and that the people around me will just forget me as soon as I’m gone.
I don’t exactly know why but I have 2 predictions on why I might be so scared. Since I was in kindergarten I always got left alone. My parents were never there for me, they were always working. And due to my sister being extremely abusive towards me since the early childhood I never spent time with her because I was terrified of her – but I won’t get into detail about that now. So I was either playing alone or with some of the workers at our house but they usually didn’t stay for a long time and changed regularly, leaving me with no one to hang onto starting from a very young age (around 3 years old). As soon as I started school I finally started finding friends but since it was an international school the people in my classes constantly moved away again. The first time i properly felt like i had found friends that would stay with me was around 7th grade. But the fear never left me and is still present to this day that they might suddenly leave me like all the other people around me did.
The second reason is, people forget me super regularly. It’s a common occurrence for me that I recognize people but they don’t recognize me anymore. Since I changed a lot appearance-wise over the last couple of years, not even the people that I live right next to recognize me anymore. They literally tell me to my face that they forgot who I am and I spent my entire childhood with those people who used to see me every single day and I just didn’t see for a few months and they immediately don’t recognize me anymore. And this is just one example. Often not even my own family members recognize me and it’s just really scary.
It just makes you realize how little your existence actually matters when you don’t have millions of fans on your side.
Another factor of me being so scared is probably due to my family expecting a lot from me. My entire family is successful and owns a lot of money and land and of course that expectation of me managing the same is constantly on my shoulders and I get reminded every single day.
But my interests go into the completely other direction than the rest of my family and it’s obvious that I’ll never make it as far as they did. And I know that my dream isn’t accepted by their ideals and that they expect something else from me. I’m just scared that I won’t matter, that I’ll just get thrown away by my family because I’m not good enough and will be forgotten.