Hi, my name is Natalie and I am 13 years old. I have so many phobias and fears I don’t even know what to do with all of them. On the list of 100 phobias on this website, there are at least 70 I’m afraid of, plus several more that were not on the list I can think of. I’ve always had a fear of the dark, needles, and of sharks and pretty much the entire ocean, and A LOT of other things. When I was about 9, I started developing a fear of loud noises, and also human-like figures (robots, mannequins, etc.) I’ve always wanted to impress everyone and have had a fear of failure, but I don’t like being in the spotlight. I sometimes feel like people hate me because I try too hard in school, and I feel so awkward about it.
When I was 10 or 11, I developed a serious fear of death and me or people I love dying. I started obsessively game playing on my computer, thinking that if I won this game, my younger brother wouldn’t die for the next week, or whatever.
It got to the point where I was playing them all day when teachers weren’t watching me. We used computers a lot in fifth grade so it was pretty easy to get away with it. My friends didn’t like me as a group member because I never did my own work except for when I needed to. It got to the point that people quietly groaned when I was assigned to their group.
I finally told my mother about the electronics playing issue, but I couldn’t tell her about my obsession over death. I just couldn’t. She helped me through it, but it’s kind of coming back.
It has now gotten to the point that I have panophobia, which is a fear of everything, or fear that terrible things will happen. I’m scared of certain colors, like red because it’s the color of blood, grey because it’s the color of sharks and knives, black because it’s the color of night and death, and blue because blood used to be thought of as blue inside of your body. My fear of death had quickly developed into so many different phobias that it was controlling my life.
I’m afraid of anything that might hurt or kill me, and it has been interfering with my schoolwork and hurting my grades. My mind is in control of me and everything I do. I was an all A+ and A’s girl and now I have many A-s, some in the B’s range, which is not normal for my family. Sometimes my brain tells me that this specific biology homework is dangerous and could kill me. So I don’t do it.
This alone is hard enough to deal with, but also I have an overachiever sister who is a freshman in high school (I am in 7th grade) and is better than me at everything I do. She’s confident, smart, better at playing her band instrument than I am, and better at sports than I am. She does all the same sports that I do, and excels at every one.
I’ve considered ending it once or twice but am deathly afraid of it. I know I would never be able to go through with it, and then everyone would know my secret.
I think I have depression, however, and I’m scared to tell my parents because it would make me look bad.
I have absolutely no idea what to do and I’m scared.
I’m scared of pretty much everything
What Now?
Read comments from others who are dealing with this phobia or share your own experiences below. Remember, you're not alone!
j-z-t says
Hello, I came here to tell you that I have a fear as well, but I am just too afraid to tell anybody. I hate performing in front of people, and it has changed my life. Every year at my school, we have a Christmas performance, and now that it is Christmas for me (I live in California, USA), I am so nervous and begging my parents not to let me go, because the last time I performed, I got stage fright and ran off! Does anybody have the same problem?
Val says
I’m so sorry about this, and I hope it gets better, which is very small of me to say because I understand it’s easier said than done. Death has always given me panic attacks because I don’t want to age and leave and die and the possible afterlife. I just don’t, and I had the idea of others dying around me. I fear living forever, but I also fear dying. It’s nice to know people relate, but it’s also horrible that others go through it. I recommend talking to a therapist because sometimes it helps to have someone. Sending love – Val (age 13).
Alicia says
This is actually a very good idea to have a website like this!
PL says
Hi there, I’m thirteen too (I’m not going to tell you my name because that’s a bad fear I have). I don’t know when you posted this, but I just wanted to say that I can understand you well. I experience disturbing thoughts like yours, not so much about people dying though – it’s more horrible images that flash into my mind. I know what you mean when you say you have to perform certain tasks in a certain way. For me, it’s obsession with multiples of three. I only blink in multiples of three, I try to correct words and sentences so that they are made up of multiples of three, you get the idea.
According to psychologists (who in the UK at least are a load of quacks) I have ASD (autism) and a load of different types of anxiety. And they seem to think I have OCD and they want to put me on anti psychotics.
To me, it sounds like you have symptoms of OCD. Recurring disturbing thoughts that are briefly resolved when you perform a certain task or set of tasks.
I’m not sure if you have depression, it might be related to the obsessive symptoms. I had depression for a while and it was sort of like a stone crushing my stomach; it made me feel like I was choking. Does that sound familiar?
Now I’m not gonna yack on about the fact that you need to talk to someone about your fears because that won’t help. But maybe try to suppress these urges? For example, my mum tries to get me to eat four chicken nuggets instead of three to prove that nothing bad will happen. Something small, along those lines.
I TRULY WISH I could give you more advice about school but I’m not really of any use. I haven’t gone to school for ages because of a terrible phobia of children. If I saw a kid, I would have a panic attack. Which made being in a building full of them very hard.
I don’t quite understand the American education system (I am English) but maybe see if you can take a bit of time off school. Even if it’s just once a week, say to your mum or school councillor or whatever that you need to take a bit of time off. Believe me, it really helps. Not being at school is such a relief, there are no exams to worry about, no peer pressure..
See if your school can arrange something. You need to tackle this fear now, before it starts to manifest in even worse ways.
I really hope you’re okay.
Regards and best wishes
PL