The Worst Past Memories

I was twelve years old since I hated the word memories. I hated taking pictures with my friends and even with my family. I don’t know if it’s normal or what. Then I started withdrawing with my friends who are involved with that past memory. Later on I started having nightmares, popping in and out of that worst memory, then I cry a lot, I have mood swings, and sometimes I hurt my loved ones because of what’s going into my brain. It’s been one month and it still bothers me to the point I cannot calm down, my full body keeps trembling and sweating without a reason, and you will hear ringing in your ears which totally annoys me. But after I discovered a song it made me realize that everyone of us is hiding something but in the end we will realize it is okay to be like that and to share it to someone who will fully understand you. Maybe not your family or your friends. But someone will be there hearing your story. I personally overcome that fear when I journal it. It makes me feel stronger. And every time I’m exposed to that situation I just sing that song. At first, I hesitated to say it to my closed ones even my family (but until now I can’t say it). Why? Because I’m scared of being criticized by them. They’ll say you’re just acting or playing games with them. But the truth is it’s getting worse. But when I wrote it in my journal it fades away, that anxiety and all. It’s so great to have a thing where you can express all that’s going on inside of you. But the important thing I’ve learned from it is that there’s no one that can criticize you even if you stutter or made a mess while presenting in front of class because they are not God. No one is as unerring as God. No one is perfect. They think they are but no. Maybe for now they will be on top but in the future we’re not sure if it’s still them. I’ve also realized that it’s a gift that you can remember all of your past memories. Maybe they are bad but you learned from them. It’s time to let go and move on from it. Be unique and know that the fear you are suffering from is also a gift.