Son married. Arguments ensued. Parents did everything they could in terms of getting the couple counselling but nothing helped and irreconcilable differences prevailed. Son (poor me) immediately got on the Internet and found a girlfriend on the rebound.
The girl he found was escaping her own difficult living conditions and was out to trap herself a husband. GF would fix (poor me). Despite Mom having had a previous talk with son about protected sex, neither used protection.
Two months into the relationship, GF informed him of pregnancy. Son was definitely not emotionally nor psychologically prepared to face being a father. Too much occurring, too fast. He had not properly processed his failed marriage.
GF dragged our son to our home to announce their pregnancy. The dread of facing parents was evident in our son as he not only seemed to be in an animated state but was unable to make eye contact with parents. Our son had traumatized himself.
Parents accepted the news graciously, congratulated the couple and hugged them but the seeds to Phobia had been sown.
The first inkling we got that something was not right was when we weren’t informed of the birth of our grandchild. Relatives began protecting our son from his parents and enabling his irrational fears because: “You never know what Mom might do”.
Our son developed a PARENT PHOBIA.
Fourteen years later, we have yet to meet our grandchildren.
The GF is no longer part of our sons life. When her second son was 9 months old, she decided that she no longer wanted to be a mother. Son and her split up the assets. She took the family beater, he took the children. The stress, trauma and phobia have not allowed him to be gainfully employed since. Avoidance symptoms caused him to find a trailer situated on the outskirts of a small wilderness town.
A few years ago, I found the nerve to knock on his door to ask for a hug. It was then I realized how serious his state of mind was.
Learning it was mom at the door, he responded as one would to an attacker. I was subject to, “Amygdala Hijack”. Raging, screaming, lip quivering, panicked, he called 911. I was read the riot act and informed that if I ever contacted him again, I would be arrested and charged.
It took me years to research the condition he suffers from. “Parent Phobia”. It’s not one of the conditions listed in the many phobias people have but needs to be. His Parent Phobia amounts to Child Abuse and Elder Abuse as he denies his children any contact with grandparents and denies parents their grandchildren. His Phobia is guilty of Bullying and Isolating us from love and family. Any time we deliver Christmas gifts to our Grandchildren, he throws the gifts away and summons the police. We have been threatened with arrest. That’s how bad a PHOBIA can become. Our son is apparently on psychiatric meds to medicate his anxiety.
This once employed Architectural Technologist, now spends his days, years, computer gaming and living off the meager pension of disability and government children’s allowance checks. A life wasted. It appears that he is now developing a Hatred for Women. We are helpless to assist him because the LAW prevents us from contacting him as he is now an adult. The LAW keeps him sick, stuck, and dependent on government assistance.
I have a fear of my parents. The reason I do is that I suffered from abuse. My parents are ideally strict, but that really didn’t matter. If I don’t follow any rule they set, they punish me by kicking, punching, and even starving me. Last month, I came out that I fell in love with a girl my age. They started to shame me, telling me it wasn’t right to fall in love with the same sex. I began to fear what my parents would do if I ever slept with her. I thought they would kick me out or send me away to live with my grandparents. Now, I fell in love with a guy my age, and they didn’t shame me for that, but they were disappointed because he lived in another state.
I’m 17 and I have a fear of my family because I’ve suffered from abuse. I don’t like being around my family because they’re homophobic and sexist and just straight up assholes, so I get scared because if I come into the living room and a gay moment happens on tv then everyone will target me because I’m a non-binary biromantic demisexual and so anyone throws homophobic slurs at me. When I came out I lost my bedroom and now I sleep on the floor in the laundry room. I get scared because they cant except me and I get scared because I fear that one day they will disown me as soon as I turn 18. I’m not afraid of being kicked out, I’m afraid they will abandon me and leave me alone when I need them the most. They tell everyone I’m a disappointment and then they all target me. That kind of pressure put on me by everyone I know causes me to have panic attacks because I feel their words hitting my chest and putting my head in a tight space where I think the world is watching me and laughing. It’s a hard thing to explain but it hurts.
I’m so sorry to hear that Jamie. I really hope that everything gets better for you and that your family learns to accept you. No one should be treated like that especially by their own family.
Anne Nielson says
I have a decades long fear of my parents due to childhood trauma. I fear they -though now dead- are controlling my life and are trying to destroy me. I have OCD, invasive thoughts, know my fears and thoughts are irrational but feel terror a lot of the time.
Hi Anne, I am so sorry to hear what happened to you. Did you go through it and how did you you do that? Thank you and take care!